Almost ten years after the fairytale wedding of William and Kate in 2011 and three adorable children later, William and Kate’s marriage is stronger than ever. Numerous pictures show them joking and smiling at each other. Various “body language experts” have testified over and over again how well in sync William and Kate are. Of course, their marriage will always be compared to the disastrous marriage of William’s parents Prince Charles and Lady Diana that ended in total chaos and a bitter divorce. Look at the images of both couples below – the differences are huge!

So, what is William and Kate’s secret? You’d be surprised and relieved to find out that the key to their happy marriage has nothing to do with their status or wealth. If anything at all, their status as public figures who are constantly exposed to media is even hindering than helping. And being wealthy, of course, helps curbing problems and keeping conflicts at bay, but truth is that money can’t save an unhappy marriage. Again, William’s parents’ marriage is a sad testament for this. Unforgotten is the interview in which Lady Diana told Martin Bashir how miserable she felt because she missed her husband’s support and affection – all the while sitting in her fancy living room in Kensington Palace, surrounded by posh and expensive items. No one would have wanted to switch places with her when they saw the interview. Diana was nothing less than a bird in in a gilded cage.

When William and Kate tied the knot in 2011, the pressure was high to not repeat the terrible mistakes of William’s parents. One can definitely assume that palace staff and courtiers must have done everything in their power to analyze what went wrong with Charles and Diana in order to avoid those mistakes from happening again. And whatever went on behind the palace curtains, one can only say that it has worked for William and Kate so far since both ooze confidence and happiness. So here are the three basic and universal reasons for why their marriage works so well.

# 1 Friendship

William and Kate are not only lovers, but also friends! They can trust each other and over the years they have learned to rely on each other which is crucial for two people who are so extremely exposed to public scrutiny. William and Kate know that they can confide in each other and share any worries they might have. Diana often complained that she felt left alone with her new role as Princess of Wales and that no one really showed her the ropes. Prince Charles lacked any empathy whatsoever for a newcomer like his wife. William understood to help Kate finding her role within the complex setting of the royal family. Also, William and Kate communicate like friends do. If you look at failed marriages you can see that they hardly talk to each other anymore. If it all, they talk about each other to their friends or to their marriage counselors. When their marriage began to dissolve, Lady Di and Prince Charles communicated through their staff. William’s mother once said that she and her then husband corresponded to each other via their valets even though they had been living under the same roof.

William and Kate had known each other very well before they tied the knot. They met at St. Andrew’s university in Scotland and initially became friends before they moved in together with two other friends into an apartment off campus. Together they studied, partied and holidayed with or without friends and got to learn each other quite well. It was then, when both fell in love and decided to go public. And when they briefly had split in 2015 and Kate didn’t run to the press William knew that Kate would never betray him. That was a true test of friendship and both came out stronger than before.

So, the key is to also have a friend in your partner. Of course physical attraction is what draws most of us to our partners in the first place, but a relationship works on many levels. If you can’t talk, laugh, discuss, argue and reconcile with your partner you will most probably end up in a hollow relationship that is bound to fail.

# 2 Team

William and Kate work as a team. We see this in the way they walk together, the way they talk to each other and also in the way they dress. They even sometimes have matching colors on public outings with Kate wearing a plum dress and him having a plum tie. Even their children wore matching colors on their visit to Berlin 4 years ago.

In contrast to William’s parents, there is no rivalry between both partners. Charles once complained that he was outshone by his young and beautiful and extremely popular wife. During walkabouts, people were disappointed when Charles “worked” their side and asked for Diana to come over to shake their hands. Diana, initially overwhelmed by her popularity, soon enjoyed it and after her marriage went sour even basked in it. Kate, however, never tried to steal William’s thunder. On the contrary! She appeared to be a rather shy person during the first years of her marriage. She slowly found more confidence after the birth of her three children and, now 11 years later she is more accustomed to the rules and regulations at the royal court. She has hardly set a foot wrong and certainly learned from Diana’s “mistake”. Kate would never compete with William. She feels comfortable in her supporting role. And William? He definitely is more self-confident than his father who was extremely jealous of Diana’s popularity. Unlike Charles, William is proud of Kate and supports her and her patronages and charities. Just last week, he accompanied Kate to her “Hold Still” project where both looked at the awarded pictures on display. William is proud of his wife and her projects. Last year, even his grandmother, the Queen, came to see the “Back to Nature Garden” which Kate designed for the Chelsea Flower Show in London.

Working as a team holds the key to a good marriage or relationship. Problem is that (often male) partners feel the need to compete because it is either in their nature or because of their low self-esteem. Sometimes partners just copy their parents’ behavior and aren’t even aware of that. Either way, competing with your partner is recipe for disaster and needs to be tackled right away. Little “projects” can spark a team spirit among partners like for example renovating a room or decluttering the garage. Also praising your partner publicly will work wonders. I often refer to Barack Obama in this context, who never tires to praise his wife in public. He was one of the most successful presidents of the USA and yet he is more than willing to step back for his wife to shine.

# Respect

Mutual respect sounds good and you can read that everywhere when it comes to make relationships work. But what does that essentially mean? William respects Kate because he knows he can count his blessings for having a beautiful and smart wife like Kate at his side. Together with Kate he was able to start his own family and enjoy a family life that is a far cry from the drama and hoopla of his parents’ disastrous marriage. William respects that in Kate. Kate also knows her worth and has a close-knit family behind her. When William and Kate announced their engagement in 2010, Kate’s parents Michael and Carole were asked by journalists how they feel. They were delighted, they said, but Michael also let it be known that he wishes for his daughter to not relive Diana’s sad example. This was nothing but a good-hearted warning towards the royal family. If you treat our daughter they way you treated William’s mother, we will be there and help her get out of it.

Equally, Kate respects William for the heavy burden he carries on his shoulders. In his 20s, William struggled to come to terms with the fact that is destined to become King one day. He was never given a choice as to what he wanted to become in the future. To make matters worse, his parents went through a bitter divorce and he lost his mother tragically when he was just 15 years old. Taking all this into account, William turned out to be an approachable, dutiful and kind-hearted husband, father and future king. Kate knows all this and supports her husband the best she can and vice versa.

What can we learn from this? It is crucial to understand your partner’s background. Only then is it possible to fully comprehend why your partner has acted the way he or she did. Underlying fears or anxiety can cause erratic behavior and is more often than we think the cause for conflicts. Partners should try to dig deeper in finding out the root for these problems. Once the dust has settled, this should be addressed nicely, without reproaches or accusations. Once the partners have connected the dots, it is easier to work on the problems which doesn’t mean that the conflicts will disappear over night. But at least it is a start.